My WoRld iN mE

2005-05-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

Hiya... Two MorE pApERs To go hang in there lydia... lolx.. that is wat i have been telling myself.. lol. the exam are finally gonna finish.. the first batch of ppl have already gone to china wonder how they are doing.. getting more excited to go china everyday... i heart is full of expectancy that something good is gonna happen... hmm... wat happening in my life now.. all i can say that.. i will trust in God... cos he knows........ hopefully they can all be solved like real soon... because i love everyone for who they are k..? lolx.. anyways to the 8 beaches here is something for you.. i was slacking lah when i decided to find the definations of names... so here i t goes...

charlene
Although the name Charlene creates the urge to understand others, we point out that it causes you to be emotional and temperamental. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid systems, liver and the bloodstream.
Your first name of Charlene has given you a quick-minded, sensitive nature. It gives you a clever, creative ability in art, music, singing, or drama and an appreciation for refined surroundings. Your sociable nature expresses affection, kindness, and thoughtfulness to the extent that it is difficult for you not to be affected by others and governed by your emotions, rather than by logic and reason. As you respond to love and encouragement from others, your romantic and dreamy nature can easily lead you into love affairs.

amanda
The name Amanda creates the urge to be self-expressive and philosophical, but we point out that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality creating loneliness. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the liver, bloodstream, heart, lungs and bronchial area.
The name of Amanda has given you an appreciation for many beautiful and refined aspects of life--music and art, literature, drama--and the outdoors, where you find much peace and relaxation, but it creates a far too sensitive nature. You sense and feel much that you do not understand, and sometimes you are alarmed at your thoughts and wonder about their origin. You rarely experience the tranquility that comes with stability of thinking or emotional control.

samantha
Though the name Samantha creates the urge to be self-expressive and ambitious, we point out that it causes a restless intensity that hinders the ability to relax. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the liver, bloodstream, and solar plexus.
Your name of Samantha has made you versatile and creative. There is hardly anything you cannot do if you put your mind to it, but a driving urge leads you to one experience after another, seldom finishing what you start. You cannot find peace of mind or lasting contentment in anything you do. As soon as a challenge is met, boredom sets in, and you yearn for another experience. This restlessness makes it difficult for you to assume responsibility and to establish stable, progressive conditions in your life.

zhen hui
hey your name the defination a bit screwed up lah. cos it is in chinese so dun have lor... haha... sorry try my best to find it k..?

Suzanne
Although the name Suzanne creates idealism and the urge to help others, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the nervous system, and tension or accidents to the head.
Your name of Suzanne has given you an idealistic nature with a desire to help others. Your initiative often causes you to be the first to act when you see a need. Since you are impressionable and receptive, you feel the misfortunes of others very keenly. However, this name makes it awkward for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings with finesse and diplomacy to the extent that your candid, sometimes blunt, manner of speaking creates misunderstandings with others. Being somewhat self-centred, you learn through your own experiences, as you rarely take advice from others. Yet, you are sensitive and very easily hurt and offended. You long for praise and appreciation for your efforts, but others find it difficult to understand you.

Jasmine
Although the name Jasmine creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, it can cause a materialistic approach that frustrates higher humanitarian qualities. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the reproductive system, worry, and mental tension.
Your name of Jasmine gives you a strong sense of responsibility in business and material affairs, and the practicality and determination to make a success of anything you undertake. You are self-sufficient and capable, and have an interest in positions of leadership and responsibility. You are competent in directing the efforts of others, as you have good business judgment and the natural understanding of people. Very likely you have assumed much responsibility early in life and are often required to make major decisions.

JaC
Although the name Jacqueline creates an active mind and a restless urge to explore new ideas, we emphasize that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the solar plexus, heart, lungs and bronchial area.
The name of Jacqueline creates an overly-sensitive nature which causes you to sense and feel far more than you can understand or put into words. You have a deep, artistic, and creative side which shows through a love for music and literature. Writing is a more natural mode of expression for your deeper thoughts and feelings than the spoken word. You have an ability to concentrate and work intently on anything which holds your interest. However, you prefer to avoid routine, monotony, and mental tasks.

BeN
Although the name Benjamin creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it causes a restless intensity that defies relaxation. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the solar plexus, and through worry and mental tension.
The name of Benjamin creates a quick, analytical, and clever mind; you are creative, versatile, original, and independent. You have large ambitions, and it is difficult for you to be tolerant and understanding of those who desire less in life or who are more slow and methodical by nature. Patience is not your forte. You do, however, have leadership ability and would never be happy in a subservient position. You are ambitious and aggressive by nature. You would be happiest in positions where you are free to express individually and creatively and where opportunities are not restricted; you desire freedom, and do not tolerate being possessed by others. You appreciate change and travel, and the opportunity to meet and mix with others, and to influence them with your creative ideas.

NiCk
Although the name Nicholas creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs, bronchial area, and nervous system.
Your first name of Nicholas has given you a clever, deep mind and the talent to excel in highly inspirational lines of endeavour as a dramatist, musician, writer, or artist. You can be lifted by beauty in all forms and you are at the most creative when inspired. Your expressive, affectionate nature responds very quickly through your feelings, but you must guard against being possessive and jealous. You feel and sense much that you do not fully understand and cannot express. Your delight in mystery could draw you into occult studies or religions.

but of cos this is just wat ppl think it means.. yup don't take it to heart ya..? lolx.. all the best for the coming exams... miss all you guys

2005-05-06T04:24:00.000-07:00

in tHe Mid Of ExAm... ARRGHHH... MAN sTReSsED... lolX But I HavE So MuCh PrOlEM ThAt gOes AlOnG WitH iT... HaiZ.. i JusT FounD ouT thAt THe WoRlD iS FUlL Of AcToRs And acTeResS... ThE Are JUST ThEre tO bAcK StAB YOu... ThE WorST Is YOu DUN knoW Who To tRUSt... Hmmm.. i fEEl HuRt... lOLX... eVeRYtImE i put MY WhOlE TRusT in A pErsOn ThEY nEvER FaIl To Put mE DOwN... i FeeL KinDa TiRed tRuSt AnD bEinG HuRT... HaIz... But I CanNot DuN TrUST PpL ArOunD mE... I NeEd To... i NEed A ShoulDEr tO cry ON... i nEEd SomEonE To loOk aT me in ThE eYE aND I cAN FEeL that hE oR ShE rEaLlY tRueLy UndERstAnd WaT i Am goinG thRough... BuT wHO cAN dO it...? hAIZ... ThE MORE I tRY To geT cloSE to The Ppl i LovE anD kNow... The mOre UnfAmiliaR N AliEn ThEY G3t... I AM oNlY sOmeonE... A HUmAN... BUt iHaVe A Lot oF ThingS To HandLe... My CommitmenTs... mY reSpoNsiblitiEs... My LifE... I realLy duNNo... I NeED sOmeONe... I Do... SomEonE i CAn DepEnD on... i loOk aT mYselF in ThE mIrRor... Who AM i ReaLly...?

i miss the days when all of us were happily together... no quarrels... no hatred... nothing... just pure love for it other... lolx... i miss the old times just pure hanging around... i miss camp.. miss the times where i actually dun feel strange in certain places.. when i feel comfortable with anyone...

2005-03-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

i Am oUt oF thE VisuAls worShip TeAm, w3LL, aT LeAst 4 The timE bEinG...
SuRely YOu All WilL bE WondeRing wHy... lolX... HmmM.. nO iT iS Not thAt I Am To lAzY To SerVe Or SomEtHInG...?
1) I liVe LikE IN PunGgol, So tRavElling Up And DoWn iS hArd...
2) I SurElY HaVe CompEtiTIon BotH netBalL And AltlethEtiCs ON EithER SaT or SuN... AnD i OftEN Can"t mAke iT fOr WorshiP prAc... FeeliNg GUilTy lOr...

3) i LikE A ComPuTeR IdoiT... I DunNo wat dO iF thE Com liKE hAnG Or SomEtHinG... It Is ScAry..

4) i Am LikE ComPleTelY fReaK oUt wheN i On DutY... so nErvOuS... HaiZ...

Yup... guess that is about it... lolx... hmm.. yup... alot of ppl asking me how i am doing... haiz... ok i guess... i mean there are still ppl worst off then me...

I presently have like 3 cca, Prefects, Atheletics, and Netball.... it can be quite fun cos you have like something to do every day... but the problem is every single one of them requires my 100%.. but i only have 100% to divided around... how is that possible..? to add on i have like a huge mountian of tests and hmk... haha... not to forget my family and friends.... where do i have the time...? every thing requires me... and i am already half-empty ( or half full 4 positive ppl) how can i give my attention to all of them... yup then alot of ppl will be asking me "then why in the world did you join atheletics ?"

1) i am not good in netball so me in the main 7 is really unlikely any more now that the junior have come up, Then i can't play... and soon my enthu level is like 0... wat is the use of being in a cca when you are not even good in it..?

2) i know i can perform or do better in atheletics... because i at least can like move my legs to run...

3) it not so pressurising i don't have to keep worrying about whether i did well, whether i will be selected to be in the main 7 or stuff... not saying that i don't have to do wellin atheletics or stuff... i have to.. but it is more of a personal matter... i guess

4) this like the most dumb of all and that is i wanted to try out something new... like see whether, i can excel in doin something, since i was not excelling in netball..

yup that was why i joined atheletics... lolx... then they ask isn't that too much to handle?...
that is why i am trying to handle my time.... to add on now netball has this new rule that i must train my junior to run 2 km in like 14 mins... haha... not saying hat my junior is not good... i think she can do it... but with hard training and me giving her more attention and stuff... but i am already struggling with my ccas... i dun have the time and the energy to meet her every day to run or something... haha.. well if my junior don't reach the target i would be punished to run 9 km and do a hundred push up... haiz... i think i better start training up my stamina and arm muscles.. lolx... haha.. not my junior not good k...? i meaning about my time factor... why can't coach try to understand my stituation...

my friends... i am starting to not understand them at all... lolx.. they seem so distant from me... like i haven't met them in years... yup there are some stuff that they do that i don't approve... but wat right do i have to tell them to stop..? will they listen...? i try sometimes... but i guess sometimes it is no use... i dun know... they seem well different...

my family... my cca is eating up alot of time i have to admit... my mom keep scolding me for not studying.. i do... but only she doesn't see it most of the time... she says i always not a home... so i am not allowed to go out often... haha... sad case... lolx.. my social life... well if i have any that is...? lolx...

church... i just hope ppl understand... lolx... i dunno wat they are thinking... lolx.. i feel isolated from them somehow... haiz.. it not like i can talk to anyone i meet in church... i dunno... haiz... i hope ivin can read my blog... haha cause he kinda said he hope i made the right choice... honestly speaking... i dunno my self either... whether i made right choice... i kinda scared actually that everything will turn out wrong... i really dunno... confused..? maybe...

yup hope you won't get too confuse reading my blog... see ya

2005-02-24T23:15:00.000-08:00

PhyiScAlly DrainED
EmoTIoNAlly DrainED
SpiRitUAlLy DraInED

COnFUSEd maybe... hmm.. yupz... but glad i got you... hmmm... seriously... what does a person want in her life...? hmm... surely not be top all the time rite..? surely not to have friends around them all the time..? surely not to be the most popular gal in school...? then wat is it that i am looking for... something that is just me...?

life have been really hectic... trying hard to juggle time for my studies, CCAs and friends.... am i having too much to handle...? hope this will all die down soon enough... cos if not i will choke myself to death... not illterary... lolx... but tire myself lah... hmmm... i need time management really...

To be honest... i have been neglecting God for sometime now... dunno whether neglect is the rite word to use... but i am guilty for it and i know... hmm... so here and now... i make a promise to myself to make it a must to spend time alone with God... lolx...

Support , encouragement and understanding ... i guess this wat i need for this hectic times... hmm.. yup... so do let them come in...

it is hard to try to fit in anywhere especially when you are like absence for a period of time... lolx... but trying doesn't confirm a place for you so wat is the use trying..? lolx...

haha.. yup... looking forward to a long break... when will all this be over? oh ya
miss ya....

2005-02-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

HiyA... LOnG TImE nEvER BLoG Le... lOlx... SorRY ReALlY HecTic weEk... VeRY busy LOR.... lIke hAvInG nEtbALL cOmpetition EverY aLteRnAte DaY... LOlX... HmmM... nV neTbALl GOt HOpE lE... JUniORs... All DePenD oN YOu aLL Le... we ALL olD lE... hAhA... lAmE... A LOT Of ThiNgs hApPen... Both HapPy AnD sAd, tirInG anD rEwaRdinG... lolX... HMm.. sOmEtimes i wonDer whethEr i Am TAKiNg iN mOre thAn i Can hAndlE... I havE A TiGht SCeHDulE... But iT is eXpecTed to simMEr DowN AftER ThE COmpEtitIOn is OvEr... sEc thRee Is Tough... LoLx... thE TeAcHers mAkE iT SouNd So ScAry... MaN... i WIlL sTudY haRd.. i PrOmiSE... lOlX AnD I HopE PpL Who aRe reADing mY BLoG WilL ReMinD mE too... hAhA... i am StiLL kEePing In mInd My FocuS For ThiS yeaR... dId i Write it DowN..? hmm.. SoRRy.. cannOt remeMbEr.. BUt i gueSs mY CLoSe friends shoulD knOw.... LolX... Yup... wisHinG YOU All The BeST ThiS cHineSe new YeaR.. hAvE FUn....

2005-01-17T22:30:00.000-08:00

SoRRY 4 Not BLoggiNg for suCh a loNg TImE...LOlX... ReflEctiVe ModE... AnD bsIdeS I HaD AloT oF ThinGs To go thRough anD tO ThinK AbOuT... It WAS TouGH... It HuRTed.. BUt i GueSS i HalFwAY ThEre to AcceptIng iT... HmmM... Wat diD I lEaRn AbOut It So FAr..?

I learned that through all the bad times that hurt so much God is stationed there to lend a helping hand or send someone to be with you through it... you dun have to go through it alone...
The only thing that is withhelding you from lightening your load is TRUST...

How often do we forgot that whenever we have problem that seems too much to handle we have to trust him to solve it for you..? he is God.. he reads our future more clearly then we can... how could we forget that point...?

there are bound to be exhaustion and weariness... and of cos the feelings of being stabbed... like when you just wanna scream at shout at anyone who cross your pass... you get so unpredictable that even you yourself becomes a stranger... Confused... i just felt it... the hurt those very feelings are fresh in my head... and it most likely left a scar... now as i refect at everything... it seems like a joke..? very funny how one thing that could hurt you so much could actually amuse you..? but... the pain is fading but the scar is there... lolx... but in the midst of all this problems and hurt i went through ... i found peace in the middle... and the problem just kinda dissolves... suddenly it becomes not that big at all... I thank God... cos i know no one but Him could help me get through this difficult time... SO.... wat i when through could me a reminder to me during future compilcations to trust God... and leave it all to him...

Yup... :>

2004-12-29T00:18:00.000-08:00

HURT>>>

don't ask me why.... i dun feel like saying either... disappointment... confused... there are just so many questions rite now... i want to know... a lot a things... but i cannot answers to everything... hmmm... i really dun want to miss class again... i really wan to go... but i have made a deal... not very nice if sudden say dun go... anywayz... now got to go for some school camp... haiz... it is a good way out in a sense... hmm.. words hurt... a lot... i learn to watch wat i say... but i hope others learn too... haiz... i really dunno wat to say... just when you thought you they understand maybe they dun... i dun wan to say anymore about this... but... if they continue... haiz.. i am goin to explode... haha... yup... but... i dun wan to... haiz... yupz... haiz.. anyways... i cut hair.. again... lolx... very short lah.. i think quite screwed up too... lolx...

2004-12-26T23:50:00.000-08:00

I bow my knee before Your throne
I know my life is not my own
I offer up a song of praise
To bring You pleasure Lord

I seek the Giver not the gift
My heart's desire is to lift
You high above all earthly kings
To bring You pleasure Lord

hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, glory to the King
hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, glory to the King

This song just keep ringing in my mind... so i better write it down... well this is one of my favourite songs... lolx.. i love it... hmm...

Happy birthday.... lolx... yup.. you guess it today my birthday but.... i dun feel it any different from any other day... i dun understand... everyone is wishing me happy birthday... of cos i love it... i mean at least someone remembered but... i dun get the excited feeling i use to have... i wan it back... really but... how...? yup.... i love all the wishes and presents... thank you so much... love you guys... hmmm... oh ya.... MERRY CHRISTMAS... lolx... sorry it is a bit late... never blog yesterday mah... hmmm... yup.. hazel the carolling was great... the fellowship was there... overall although it started a bit late... it was fine.. lolx... *clap hands* haha... hope all of you guys had fun during christmas.. i know i have... yup... i am thankful to God that he allowed carolling this year cos i gotta knew hazel better.. lolx... she is really fun.. lolx... guess it is just another friendship unfolding... lolx... all the best for next year..

2004-12-26T12:25:00.000-08:00

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here everywhere,
ohChristmas is here if you care, oh
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here in silence
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fills your heart with love

hahaha... that is exactly how i feel this christmas... hahaha.... but... i hope i will get more excited about it each year..

2004-12-21T22:14:00.000-08:00

sHOpPiNG

SHoPPING ANd MoRE

SHoPPING....

who knew shopping could be so tiring...? hahah.. haiz... i am like drained... haiz.... hmmm... hahaha... well it was fun.... make wilfred wear a long sleeved shirt... not bad lah... hahaha... abby was shopping for a dress... lolx... we found one that fitted her perfectly... hahaha.... abby i so sorry about the same dress thingy....? feel guilty.... haiz.... anyway... CHRISTMAS is coming.... YEAH.... at least that is how i am supposed to feel.... but... somehow this christmas is a bit sian to me... i know like everyone around me is looking forward it but... there is something missing to me...? i dunno wat..? but i am sensing it... haiz.. that is all ta ta

2004-12-17T06:47:00.000-08:00

Fe3LinGs....

LoST
HuRt
COnFusEd
InFErIoR

uSeLeSS
sHacKeD

HigH
FuStrAtED
Det3rmiNED

2004-12-13T22:17:00.000-08:00

Hey thERe.. LYdiA iS iN ThE HOuSe.... lolX... lAMe.... Hmmm...TOdAY WhOlE DaY at ChurCH... AlaN taughT E hoW tO SeRvE iN tAble tEnnIS... So FunNy... Hmmm... cHriStmAs iS CominG... Haha... bUT i Dun FeeL The spirit Of it aT AlL... it JuSt fEels So So noRmAl... it Is AlmOsT As If I LoST thE MoOD Of iT...? But WaT AM I To dO...? Hmmm.. So i Am trYInG To gEt It bAcK... Hmmm.. SupEr bUSY... It is EithER ScHoOL Or cHuRCh... I miSs L6 sO muCh... LolX... HmM... SomEtimEs i GeT thE i-am-not-important FeEliNG... So iRritAtInG... I mEan... You SeE 3vErYoNe H4vInG A pArt tO plAy SomEwhERe... BuT YOu Are StIlL FindinG a PlAcE tO blEnd iN.. loLX...gEt WaT i mEan.. it iS weirD... HmmM.... hAiz.. mUsT GivE ME MoRe HuGs... LolX... HAiZ... i kNOW i hAve A PaRt TO plAy... but WhEre... I Do FEel LeFt oUt SomEtimES... buT i AlWaYS kEep It iN SiDE... haha... LEt PpL KnOW For WaT..? hmM... MoOd SwinG... HiGh LoW... Lolx... hmm>.<... FeEl lIke WritiNg A PoEm... But No InSpiratIon leHz... Haha... OK GueSS I GOt NOtHiNg MuCH TO SaY LE... i LovE BbAlL...

2004-12-12T23:24:00.000-08:00

When peace, like a river,
attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot,
Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Chorus
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet,
though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Chorus
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Chorus
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

I like this song so much... It is a song inspired through a sad exprience... haha... hmmm... i think it is very meaningful lor... lolx...

This song writer was a formerly a christian wealthy business man... but he lost all his fortune during a fire at the warehouse... to make matters worst his only for daughters were drowned when the ship sang... he wrote this song when looking at the waves... sad rite? hmmm the song is telling God that " hey, since it is your will Lord, i will accept it... it is well with my soul..." i mean how fast do we question God when we are in times of trouble..? well... i admire this man a lot... it took him a lot of faith to still love God so much after all the misfortunes... hmm.. yupz... i pray that we all will be like him... to love God no matter good times or Bad times...

Yupz... anyway... i wanna say my focus for next year... so anyone reading my blog can remind me when i lose focus...
1) God... I wan To know Him mOre
2) My studIes... haha.. i just wanna do well and make my parents proud
3) PrefEctS.... I am Goin to do my duties, to help encourage people
4) Netball... whether i get in the team or not... i wanna put in my best
5) To encourage more people...

haha... yupz..
i guess that is all... bye bye

2004-11-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

HeyZ... JUsT cAme BaCk From CaMP SpaNc...( sErvIng peOplE anD noeing ChrisT).... mAN... GooD STufF... i waS sO enCourage By mArcUs And BeN AnD abbY aNd isaBel.... lOlX.... So tOuCh...WannA thAnk tHe leaDerS fOr gIvInG mE thE chancE to be A co- leAdeR iN ThiS cAmP... i Get TO sEE thE cAMp FrOm A NeW PrOpectiVe... MaN... God was liKE SO ThErE... lolX...i LovE iT mAn... God RemIndEd mE sometHInG in CaMP... aNd ThAT iS hE lOvEs Us so much... So SO sO So x 10000 much.... haha... wow... haha... so.... we should Be JoyfUl AnD PraIsE GOd... CoS hIS LovE iS cOmiNG thiS WaY... YupEE... AheM... i realLY Can't cOnTaIn ThE JOy i FeEL iNSiDE man... haHa.... BubBLe... BubbLe... HaHA...,. thAT iS HOW i FeEl... lolx
=)... LoVe... lOlX... WaT Is LoVe cOmPAreD to wat he Has DonE For us>.. ThE Ulimate>>> haha.... EartHlY loVe iS nothInG ComPArEd.... haha.... wah... is iT a Bit ToO cHiM...? Hahah... wee.. well... you Can always asK me...? haha.... i woULD alwayS take The TImE To TeLl YOu... Becos... WE Are aLl imPortanT.... haha.... lolX... All EquaL... lolx

2004-11-14T23:36:00.000-08:00

HaIz... I Am DeaD bEat... My HolIdAY is PaCk... lolX... thE fUNnY thIng is I STiLL feeL boReD... haiZ... Not iN GooD moOd nOW... gOt aLoT oF tHIngs IN mY HeAD... pounDinG mY braIn WitH qUeSTiOnS... haiZ... In pRefECts... eVeRy THiNg iS jUsT aBouT FinE.. WEll If yOu BeliEVe thAt thaN yOU hAvE To Be qUitE STupId... thAT FinE tHinG iS A LiE... I rEalLy DisLikE It... nOt ThAt I Dun lIkE bEinG a pReFeCT... BUt bEcoS i fEEL So lEfT Out... likE i Ain"t hAVe aNy One To tRusT theRE... thEY PlAn tHinGs... FinE... But aT lEaST tEll mE riGhT...? aM i ThAT NOT ImpotANT hErE... EqualiTY... HA HA... No SucH thInG... SEcOnD ChAncEs..? YOu losE it, IT iS GONe... faCE it... tHiS iS life liKE IT oR Not... hAha.. VerY ScARy riGHt... loLx... bUt foR mE iT iS tRUE.. bUt... WHo caRes iF i Dun hAve any friends then... haha... not i did not mean that sentance in a bad way but i mean... if i dun have any friends... no family, no close ones... i still have God..*smilez* but i have to admit that it is like super hard to see him in times of troubles and hurt... that you sometimes doubt whether he is there... hmmm... i exprienced it also... i am human... hurt and pain.. they are naturally.... i guess.... haiz... but pain is just phyiscal lah... it will pass... worst is emotional pain or spiritual hurt ... that is bad... lolx... hmm... just like physical bleeding is less complicated than internal bleeding lah... haiz
guess that all i will say.. lolx.. signing out

2004-10-31T02:04:00.000-08:00

"Welcome To My Life"
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurtTo feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurtTo feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurtTo feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life.

Nice song LOlx.... hmmm... I guESS i liKE iT cOS SOmEtImEs iT kImDa REMinD mE Of MySeLf... LOlX... LovE ThiS SonG... It RoCKs...

2004-10-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

heyz... Thanks for the tags and stuff... but i guess this is just face of life..?

2004-10-24T17:42:00.001-07:00

Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman
And wished I were as beautiful
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.

I juST ThiNK ThE PoEm VeRy niCe....
HaIz.... HaVe You EvEr fElT LikE YOu duN bElONG ANYwhERe... lIkE yOu DuN fiT In ScHOOl noR in cHurcH Nor WiTH YoUR FrIEnDs.... NoThinG sEEmS tO maKE SenSe.... YOu SuDdEnLy FeEls as ThOUgh You havE NO OnE To DepEnD oN... You Are lOnlElY, lOsT, WouNdeD And confuSeD.... YOu waTcH As FrIenDs AnD couPlEs Sit TogEthEr aNd jUsT laUgh And ChAt... tHEn You asK YouRsElF... WhERe do i pLaY A pArt in thIs woRlD... TheRe IS lIkE So mAnY PEoplE oN ThiS EarTh, hoW iMporTaNt cAn You Be..? thEn YOu tRy SO harD To Find YouRsElF buT EnDiNg up feelinG So HurT AnD Tiny, FalLinG dEepEr AnD deEpEr In YoUr own woRlD Of hatrEd AnD SeLf- PItY... To the StAgE WhErE YouR oWn welL BeinG mEaNS NotHiNG... AnD yOu jUst kEep TotUrinG YouRsElf to GeT YouR Mind OfF aLl yOuR ANgOnY... buT ThE moRE YOu TotUrE ThE MoRe iSolAted YOu Are frOm pEoPLE... YOur WoRk, YouR liFe, YouR flesh SeeMs uNuSefUl AnD UsElesS... You Are DeprEsSeD AnD hURt by ThE VeRy PEopLe You LoVEd AnD TrEaSuRe... EvEryOnE GiVeS YOu ThE colD ShoulDeR anD NonE Of tHem eVen KnOW ThAt YoU ExIst... eVEn ThE VerY oNEs YoU ThOuGht YOu CouLd trut giVeS You ThE sIlEnT trEatMeNt ThiNg... WhErE DID i gO WroNg...? wHy is EvERytHinG And evErYonE AgaInSt Me..? WhAt dId I Do WronG...?
hOw UnFAiR cAn ThIs WoRLD geT...?

ConSiDeR ThiS: yOu Are WatCh So heLpleSslY As YouR friEnd iS CrYInG AnD So HuRt inSiDe...? whAT eVEr YOu S4Y WaTeVeR You Do... NotHinG IS WoRkINg... You tRY tO MAkE sEnSe About wAt You aRe TrYInG To rEasOn But iT SouNDs SO WeiRd AnD CaNny... yOu tRy So hArD... bUT NOthInG wOrkS... aLl yOu cAn Do Is To lIstEn aNd aCt aS iF You AiN'T sOmE SmArt aSS And HelP.... whY is EvERYoNe So pAssionAtE AboUt sOmEtHiNg..? anD i Am Not..? whY? tEll Me plS..?

coNsiDer tHis: GOd pUtS EvERyOnE SomEWgErE FoR A PurPosE... wherE Do i StAnD tHeN...? whAT Do I HAvE ThAT oN OnE Can replacE...? Wat iS So SpeciAl about Me..? tHe truth iS... i hAvE noThIng... NothIng At aLL... I Am nOt aS mpoRtAnT AS mY Bro... Not aS pretTy or cUtE As MY Sis... NOT evEn smArT lIke anyOnE In chuRcH...? whO ThEn Am I...? WaT Am I...? a LonEr...? a LosEr..? oR jusT sOmE fAilUrE tRuinG tO fInD WhO i Am WhEn reALly I Am nOThInG...? iN SchOoL... I noT As smArt As NiCk... NoT aS capAbLe As HaMidAh... NoT aS CreAtivE AS cHaR... Not AS spoRty aS AmaH... NoT As muSicAlly iNclinEd As suZ... NoT EvEn CloSe To SaM whEn ShE dAnCeS... ThEn WhERe am I...? rEaLlY... WhAT imPoRtancE do I hAve To ThIs WoRld....

ConSidER tHiS: yOu hAvE A reAllY ClosE FrienD thAt YOu TRuSt So muCh... anD SuDdEnlY... thAt friEnD sTarTs tREaTiNG YOu DiFferEnTly... As ThOugH YOu weRE A sTtrANgEr... AS thOugH hE/She doesn'T caRe AbouT YOu AnYmORe... HuRt As yOU Are, YoU hAvE To AcCepT iT...? but WhY...? waT Are friEnDs fOr...? ArE thEy SuPposE to CAre AbOut yOu fOR OnE MomEnT ThEy treaT you AS thOUgH YOu dun eXisT For tHE nExT mOmEnT...? whY..? mAybE I Am jUsT SenSitivE oR SomEthInG... buT... it StIll hUrTs... AlOT... wHy Can"t pPL juSt UndERsTaNd... WhY Can"t thEY...? i kNow iT iS SelFisH.... But i hAd It... I rEalLy hAD it...

wHY ??? WhY???? WhY??? nO OnE CaN AnSwEr.... NO oNe WaNtS To.... ThEy Think i Am BeInG reAllY SelFiSh To Be ThInKiNg oF mysElF AnD OnlY mYseLf.... i dO ThInK bOUt pPL
I reaLly lovEd ThEm... BuT... ThE MoRe lOVe i GivE Th3 MORe HurT AnD rEjEcT I GeT..? iS it faiR To mE...? beInG selFlEsS huRTs... thEn WhY Do i HavE To Be tHaT wAY... I gIvE UP...

wHerE iS GOD iN AlL ThIS...? asK Me..? I dun EvEN knOW... i wish I knEw... Why He iS pUtTinG me In So mUh paIn... iT mAy not bE phYsicAl... But iT HuRtS EvEn MORe WhEn iT paInFUl InSiD3....

2004-10-18T18:35:00.000-07:00

YOz.... TODAy NO ScHoOL... thEn al4N cOmE My HousE... WaTcH The CinDerELla StOrY... ChaD mIcHAeL muRrAY sO cutE...OmG.... haHa... haiZ.... My dREaM dAte... Lolx... he sO SweEt aLso... CaN MAke A Fan Club SiA... I bE thE fIrst oNe To joIN... LoLx.... AbBY Sick woRz... Who 4sk hEr plAy iN ThE RaIn... lolx.... nOW WaiTinG fOr thE rEsulT.... aRrRH.... cAn diE WoRz...thiNK i flUnk it lOr... ther3 iS a DiFFeRence betWEen StUDyInG HaRd AnD gEtTinG Good MaRks And complEtely fAiling it... loLx...sian...lolx......

JUST FRIENDS
i act like all i feel for you is frenship
yet there's so much more
in fear of losing you i leave my emotions locked behind
an unstable door

i can feel it pull
i can feel it pry
because all my heart wants is to say
is what it's feeling deep down inside

e mask of emotions i wear is running kinda thin,
when will our friendship end and relationship begin?

rejection is what i fear
"i'm sorry i just like you as a fren" is what i know i shall hear
and that kind of sorrow i cannot bear
so for now my true feelings you will not hear

lolz... my lit teacher give us this poem for lit lesson.... lolx... haha.... like it lots.... haha... poor gal...
lucky, i dun like my bestfriend.... all my bestfriends are galz... lolx...guess that all i can say

2004-10-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

ExAM aRE LikE FInAlLy OvEr... ParTy TimE... haiZ... But It Is KinDa WeIrD nOW... CoS mY daY ARe BoRInG.. nOtHinG TO Do... MORe TimE to THiNK... ThE moRe i ThiNk... The mOrE i haTe mY LiFe... haIz...thE MORE AlOnE i FeEL... maYBe I' m juSt RealLy SeNsiTIvE bUt wHaTcAN yoU Do WitH So mUcH TimE... I mIsS bBaLL SO mUcH... lOlX... LIfE iS So MeaNiNglESs SometimEs you JUST WiSH... It WIlL StOp... lOlX... NoT mUCH tO saY... tAtA

2004-09-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

haRloWz... TOday quiTe Fun laH.. ACtUallY i SupPOsE To BE On DeTenTion DuTy De... BuT... nO oNe cAme TO rEPoRt So I lEfT eARlY... LoLX... ThEn i WenT to cHar hOuSe foR pROjecT... LolX... cHar's mOm SUpER NiCe... mAdE SanDwIcHeS FoR Us... Yum yUm... fIniSh ThE pRojEct Le... I ThInK we Did a gO0d jOB loR... lolx... wAh tOdaY... I JuST kNow WhEn ExAmS... StresS lIkE OnLY... tWo oR tHRE3 weEkS To Go... aRgH... hmmm... i StartEd On ChIneSE lE... So ScAReD... mY mATH iS StiLL iN A mESS... DuNNO whEthER Ben (x2) CaN hElp mE a NOt..? dUn DaRE Ask Him... LolX... hOpE hE fEel BetTeR... lolX... hAiZ... i hAvinG nEtbaLl compEtitIoN thIS We3k... So siAn... haiZ... iT Is Fun... hope Can wIn...*smilez*... juST hAvE To catCh Up WiTH My WoRk... loLx... PraY hArd AnD StuFf... to AbbY..: i Am StilL waitinG FoR MY LonG tAlK k..? to BeN (x2)... HeyZ... HoPe You FeElInGs BeTtER k..? i havE beEn prAyIng... No SweaT... You TRuST GoD k..? hmMM... yuPZ... hoPe yOu bE ThE saMe You soOn... lolx... p.s. thiS is To mY cHurCh e bEn... lolX... hmmm... yupz... thIs SaT i GoT woRkShoP... lOlX... eaRlY in ThE moRnInG... hOpe It iS fuN... loLx... sCaREd ScArED...*winkz*... LolX... bUt lucKIlY A mAh Goin wiTh mE... yEaH... hAhA... cAn AlWaYS HiDe bEhiDe hEr de... yup... WisH All Of YoU Good lUck iN ThE ExAMS...

2004-09-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

yoZ... sO SiAn... LolX... YiPEE ThE ChURCh bASkEtBaLL HooP RePAiReD LE... loLx.. AlThOuGh NevEr plAyED it bEfOrE BuT heard frOm my BrO likE VerY fUn lIkE ThAT dE... sHioK SiA... LolX...tOdAY EaRlY morNiNG gO to ScHool FoR ChInes3 RemediAl.. hAhA mDM Tay SuPER NiCe... CAN uNDeRstAnD hEr sO Much BeTTer tHIs wAy.. ThEn ShE BoUgHt me A DrInk CoOl RitE...? lOlx... HmM... yUP... 2D4Ys i Was ABiT MoOdY IN The AftErNoOn AnD LAt3 AfTeRNooN... HAiz... moOd SwiNG... LolX... so if yOU SeE me ExterTiNg mySeLf LikE SiAo.. ThEN I Am MoODy... LolX... Hmm...yEstErdAY hAD nEtBall... cOAch BrOuGhT thE StC to PlAy WiTh US... ScAry SIA... Got ThRaShEd lah.. ObvIoUslY... ThE mAiN pLaYerS LikE SaM AlSo NoT ThERE... hAiZ... BAD... LolX... nExT tImE MUsT puT A doG ChaIn ArOuND SAm... So ShE CANnOT rUn AWaY... LoLX.... Abby... LooKInG FOR ThAt lOnG TaLk... HAHA..ThIS TiME YoU Do ThE TalkinG... I jusT lisTEN... LoLx... GuEss mUSt WoRk boTh wayS Too... LoLx... LoVe YoU amAnDa.. ThAnK$ For talKiNG to Me oN thE PhOnE...

2004-09-08T04:04:00.000-07:00

HaIz... MOod SwInG AgAin... I GUEsS... FeElIng DoWn... DuNNo WaT Is GoIn on InSIde my HeaD... So mAnY QuEstIoNs... So MAny nEedS... BuT NO OnE AnswerS... No OnE cArE To LiStEN... thE woRlD JusT zOOmS pAsT Like ThAt... wAsTeD TiME... I Dun evEn KnOw WaT I typInG... cr4p i SupPoSe... thAt Is thE Only ThInG I CAPABl3 Of dOinG... I aM tRYiNg To StUdy A BiT lE... at LeAsT iT wiLL RelIEvE Me FrOm My WoRRyinG... buT NoT makINg MucH prOgEss tHoUgH... STreSS... T0DaY hAd pReFEcT's MeetInG... Got A GOOd RepRimaNdinG From MrS SuMo AboUt my duTiEs... lolX... forCed To siNg haPPy BiRthDay To EveRyBoDy becAuSe ThE BiRThDaY caRd NoT rEAdY... StreSS... mUsT finiSH EveRytHinG By ThIS MoN... lIkE i Not strESS ENouGh... pRefEcTS iS fUn buT someTImeS it is VeRy HuRtfUl... so manY ThInGs... i hAVe TwO PErSOnaLitY HErE.. i Am TryInG To BE This GOodY GoOd gaL ThAt mY Mom waNtS Me To bE... YeT A pARt Of Me wAnTs To EscapE WanTS To Be wIlD AnD CrAzY... FrEe... buT lIfE is This unFAir... You CAn nEvEr ReAson It Out... EvEryThing Is unFAiR, UnjuSt, sOmEtiMeS i jUst wAnna Cry It All OuT... But i JuSt Can't... ThErE ArE So muCh ReStrIcTionS... So MUch ComPlAIns... So manY eyEs JUsT LoOKInG At YoU... CrUShing You WiTh TheIr WoRdS, theIr acTIOns... WhEn WiLl All ThIS StOP.. WheN will All ThIS juSt dIsapPeAr.. LeT m3 breathE... HaiZ... JuSt lEt Me BE WaT i Am.. wAt I stIlL WaNnA BE... dUn ComPAreD..? HoW cAN I...? my fRiEndS havE EverYThinG... looks, fame, money, results, cca and love... wat do I haVe... NothiNG... It Is HArD nOT tO fEel sO SmALl whEn i Am WiTh thEM... my PurPoSe...? i dUnNO... I Am TirEd oF TryiNg tO FinD ouT lE... If God Wanna sHoW HE ShoW lOr... DuN WaN I AlSo Dun CAre... hAiZ... lIFe Is ToUGh... REAl TougH... HAiZ... to AbBy: GuEsS I Need AnOThEr LonG tOk HuH? To bEn: HeY i Am fReE On TuESDaYs and FrIdAYs... SEE WHiCh DaYS You frEE LoR.. I AlOT Dun UndERstAnD FoR mATh... haIz... p.s. the bAsKEtBall hoOp rEpAiReD LE... YEAhz... So hapPy... LoLX..BbaLl rOckS...

2004-09-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

HEyZ... HerE TO SAy ThANkS To My SjC FrIeNdS For GivInG SuCH A GOOD TimE TodAY HeLping Me ForgeT My PRoblEMs AnD stUFF... ThAnKs A MiLlIOn LoVe yOu GuyS So MUch...TODay I hAd a HaIRcUt... Now CannoT Tie Up... Can LAh buT vErY ThE UntIdY LoR... ScrEwEd uP hAiR... Lolx... NoT AnGry Le... i also NOt In thE WrOnG wHy ShOulD AngrY Lehz...? lolx... i lOve You zHi Yi... i LoVe alL mY FRiEnDs So mUch... heY if yOu werE WondErInG Wat is Goin on WitH Me And ZhI Yi... NoThiNg LaH... JuSt A BiG miSUnDeRStAnDinG.... lolX... WE aLwayS like thAt DE... I LoVe You ZhI YI... Lolx... YeSterDay i WaS KinDa At My GrANDpaRents housE... AnD i actuAlLY ReAliSeD hoW MUch i AcTuAlLy LoVEd My graNdfaThEr... I meAn LikE we neVeR AcTualLy chIT ChAt bEforE coS he lIKe Only SpEaK CanTonES.... I caN't evEn SPeak oNE WORd... nevEr GOT ThAt BoND Ya kNoW...? BuT I ActuAlLy StIll LoVEd Him So mUcH... SUrPriSed...*wow*.... lOlx... YuP... I AlSo wANnA ThaNk abby Too... Fo hAvIng ThaT loNG tAlk WiTH Me... Lolx... ThAnKs fOr All ThE eNcouraGemENt... yuP... LoVe You lOts... I WiLl Be thErE WhEn You nEed me.. I PRomISed... TO PAulInE... ThAnks FoR THe letter... LoLX... i wilL WrIte To You De... WhEn i HAve tH3 Tim3... promisE... lolx... GoD lOvEs mE.... YuP I KnOW ThAt... dUn EvER givE Up On HiM i kNoW ThAt... BuT hOw...? mOuLd ME InTO a betteR persOn I HopE... bUt He Is NoT aNSWeR noT evEN AskIng me tO wAit... WhErE is HE...? wHy iSn"t He hErE...? hAiZ...*sigh* anYWaY... despiTe ALL ThIS... LoLx... i sTiLl Find One verSe supEr Cool... sumtIng AbOuT You dUn HaVe Too wOrry about TakIng ReveNge, CoS GoD WilL Avenge For You... KInDA Cool... lOlX... Oh yeAh.. SaTuRday'S mESSagE wAs AbOut " ThE TONGuE" lolx... so CoinCiDeNtAl hOr... LolX.. i lIkE SuPeR UndeRstAnD WaT ThE spEakER mEanS... ThE TonGuE Is LikE A WilD FiRE... It cANnOt Be cOntrOlleD.. It IS ThE Only beAsT ThAt CANnot bE taME oN eArTh... Lolx... so TruE... It Hurts... WhO WoULD hAve thOughT ThAt wOrDs CoUld hurt So MucH... lolX...loVe... iT IS So DeEP... haIz... Wat Love...? WaT Pain..? i SounD likE SomE pHIloSOPheR oR sOmETHing... sHaKEspeare..? HahA... fuNNY.... lOlX... (I LoVe OrAnGe) hAha.. lame ME...hmMm... evERyThing TO Me NoW IS LiKE Weird.. CoS Like OnE moMEnt I tRyINg tO aDAPT To SjC Suddenly I am baCK WiTh NoRTh VIsta.. Lolx... oh YA.. I GoTT New BAG... Lolx.. DAMn eX...(iF yOu wANna know tHE price muSY ASK ME pErsonALly) LoLX... It Is PinK.. Ya YA... i knOW Not vEry ApPeAlInG To SomE OF YoUR guYS BuT i LikE It... ThAT is waT mattErs MoSt Lor... LolX...* Self-indulgence* lolX... ME mYSelf AnD I.... feEl LikE EatinD IcE CrEam... LolX Gtg... bb...

2004-09-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

hAIz.... WaT Is The PrOBlEM nOW....? WItH sOmEOnE'S BloG AnD EveRyTHiNG.... WHy ArE You guYs beLiEving HeR...? Haven't You knOW Me ENoUgH... iT is So hurTFUl.... i ThOUgHt YoU guYs knEW mE, UnDersTAND ME... BUT NO... HaiZ... sO HUrT... nevEr mInD... HaiZ... LifE IS Just ThIS UnFAIr De... AbBY keep TeLLInG ME not To cAre.... but How To..? HaIZ.. WeLl No OnE UndErsTanDs... NO OnE EveR WiLL...

2004-09-01T10:25:00.000-07:00

CRaP.... TODaY FeELInG QuiTe CRaPPy LOR... NoT In Good MoOD EvERYthIng ALsO DUn WannA Do... No iNTeREsT Lor... *sIgH* i DiDn"t smS MUCh ALsO... TODaY I PrActICAlLY BeCamE A CROuCh PotATO... LoLX... HAhA... Tv ThE WhoLE dAY... COme To ThINk Of It DamN WaStED... MooD IS BAD... VerY BAd... DuNNO WaT IS goIN On EiTHeR... JusT fEel CrAPpY ANd SUpER IRRItABlE... ON YOu-BeTTER-BeWaRe MoOD NoW... I Stop SMiliNg... WaT IS HAppEniNG To me....? i DuN KnOW... NOthINg IS Goin RiGHT.. QueSTIoNS JuSt KeeP RAcinG througH MY MiND... All ThIS QUestions PullS Me DEepEr AND dEePER... I feeL So tInY ... haIz..*Sigh* WhY..? i dO aGrEe wItH ABby tHaT Moody is 4 cHoiC3.. bUT I juSt CannOT sTOp It.. haiz... so FUsTRATInG... aRGgH... NOOooo.... TomorroW GoIn BAcK tO sJC.. sIaNz>.. It iS So worrIng... HoW Am i gOin To CoPe WIth the LoS3 Of lESsoNs In my sChOol...? i misSED aLoT oF lEsSonS lor... SUrElY dIe De.... ToMORRow alSo GoT neTBalL... Very ScaRed to Go TheRe... SamathA InJuRed HEr ANkLE... ThERe goEs OuR KEY PlAyeR... AnYWay, ClARa... MVP wOrZ... NOT BAd neXT tiME muCh ShaKE YOuR HaND MorE oFTen... lOlX... yEstErDay WatcHed MoViE... ThEN WalK PASsThE IsTanA EstAtE TheRE... GuESS WhO I sAw In the Car...? Pm LEe... LoLX... ThEN We wAVed To HIm... Hey He waVEd tO uS firSt K..? Lolx... So NiCE.... nI cE Pm... lOlX... hAhA... So sIaN... My bLoG GoT sometHinG WronG LEhZ... ThE BAckGrounD nT RIGhT.. LoLX... SiAN... IdIoT.. DunNo Wat IS wRoNg... DArn IT... LoLX... mY stUDIES reALly Is GoIn dOWN.. STuPID... thE HarDEr I TRy ThE WoRSt It BEComE... HaIz.. Wat on EaRTh iS Goin oN...? Haiz.. 5iggin oFF...

2004-08-31T08:05:00.000-07:00

HaIz... TOdAY TeACheR"s dAY DUnnO SUccESSfuL A Not... Of COuRSe GoT MiStake lAh.. mAKE EverYbOdY So sTrESSfUl... i DuNNO LAh.. SudDEnLY I DuN Feel LiKE I Am NeedeD LikE ThEy Can Do WiTHOuT ME LOr... EvERYoNE sEEm to Treats As It I DUn EXIsT... NoT THAt I WaN ATTeNtiON OR SoMeThiNg But It IS ThAt I DO NOT EXISt... I HAd eNoUgH Le... I HaD IT... I DuN wAnNa tO FeEl ThIS wAY le... I DuN WannA Feel LefT OuT LE.... I DUn waNnA BE MooDy... I DuN tO PuLl ThAT SICKENinG LoNG fACe... I dUn Wan.. I HatE It... I HAtE tO SUrpesS MY FEelINGs ANd BE a BIG LiaR... ThAt I Am aLRItE.. I Am NoT>...< nEvER Was... NeVer WiLL BE... ThIs SuCks... I HateTHis really... BuT I Love mY FriEnDS So MUch ... i jUSt Can't NoT Do IT... HAiz... ToDAY i WENt To waTch TwIn"S EFfEct 2.. DamN DISSaPoinTeD.... EDiSON SO eARlY DIe LE... HAIz.. thE ShuaI One dIe so EarlY.... Hmmm And the ShOw Is NoT WaT I ExpecteD... Damn MoODy.. SColdEd aLEX TheY aLL... SuPEr MoODy... ThEn ZhEn coNVinCED ME To ..... , Wah I DAMn hiGh AfTeR thAt.... HahA.. It Is gOOD... LOlx... BuT I nEveR wanNA Do It AGAiN.... HAha.... hAiZ... SuPeR moODy... SupEr DoWn.. SupEr veXeD... WaT is BecominG Of ME..? i DuNNo... JusT SUpEr IrRitABlE TODaY... And mOST LiKElY foR THe DaYs To ComE Lor... Arrgh.... Haiz.. I Give UP Le.. I DuN WanNA caRe ANyMorE... ThE morE i try To HELP ThE moRe I GeT rEjECtED It Hurts... REaLly... No MoRE PlS... I Dun Wan... haIz... SoMETiMes I jUSt wish I 3migrated To SomeWhEre elSE... HaIz... OH yA.. SJC Was GReaT LOvEd All The nICe PPL ThErE... My MEntor Ya hUi, And of MaRY ANN LAr HoW Can FoRgET..? She Will KilL me... thEn Got MenAGa, KHiU, yA JuN CoRRiE(I ThINk lIkE ThAT SpElL), AziRaH, EtC AnD manY maNy MoRE... Haha... DuN WoRry GereldInE i slAP SuyIn Le... LoLx... HaHA... ThANks For thE GrEat TimE BAbES.... HaHa..

2004-08-29T03:39:00.000-07:00

HeYZ... TODaY Is A SuNdAY MAN... LoVe SuNDAyS BeST... HaIz.. SOmETiMes I rEaLLY Hope EveryThIng cOUlD FrEEzE Up... LIKe StOp... SomEtIMes I wiSH I coUlD sToP BEinG A TWo-SIDed Person ANd JusT BE oNE... I CaN'T... I JuST CAN'T... ONE PRoBlEm AfTeR ANoTheR.. CaN't i eveN BreatHE... pilES aNd PilEs Of PPL Hurt PpL CRYinG AND PisS JUst CoME foR mE... I CannOT DuN HeLp thEM... IT HuRtS To See ThEM StResseD, CrYing OR jUSt DAmN PisSED... I LoVe Them So... ThEy Are My FrIenDS... I WiLl Do AnyThiNg To HElP ThEM... EVeN iF It MeANS PUttiNG MY pRoBlEMs, TrOUBleS, HuRT AND PAiN AWAY... i HAvE To hELp ThEM... I GuESS ThE Most HuRtFuL thIng Is WhEN YOu ArE SInCErE ABoUt HElPinG SOmeOnE ANd thAt PerSOn JuSt REJEcTs You lIkE ThAt, WoRsT SOmETImES EveN AccusInG YoU Of SoMethIMg you HAd NO iNtENTion OF DOinG... It HURtS 4 wHOlE DamN Lot... AftEr YesTeRdAY... I GuesS i KnEw HoW HurTFUl It FelT... ThEn It Lead ME thINkiNg... If BEiNg ReJEctEd OR MiStAkEn By JUST OnE SoMeOnE Can MAKe It HurT SO MuCH...? ThEn waT MoRe GoD BeinG ReJEctEd By MILlionS Of PpL EAch Day... OUcH.. TAt IS PAIn... SO PAIn... BitteR... i ThiNK ThAt Is thE oNLY WoRD USe AbOut hoW I am feelINg NoW.. PAiN BITter... NoT A GoOD But NoT tHAt BAd EIther... i DuNno HOw To facE Her... mAYBe I CAN AVoID Her A FEW DaYS.. BuT SuReLY nOt A lIFeTIME... I DunNo WaT ThE oTher PpL InVOLvED ArE tHinKIng... WiTh BOotLickERs ArOuNd ThEm... BuT WaT cAN i dO... JusT SiT aROuND AND WAiT FoR ThE VerDiCT... NoT FaiR BUt ThE oNlY WaY... coS I dUn WAnna BoOtlICK pPl it IS So noT ME... It Is EItHEr YoU likE ME Or You Dun, No HALF HaLf... HAIz...(>.<).. WhO saId LiFe WAs Like tHaT...? HaiZ.. QuEstIoNS JUST keep WhiRling iN mY hEAd... NO OnE UNDerStaNdS... NO OnE wOuLD anD EveR WiLL.. In thIs wOrlD... I MusT F3Nd For MYSELF... Not That I DUn tRuST GoD Or SOmETHiNG... It IS JuST thAT I cAN'T FEel AnYWhEre NEaR... I PRaY ALoT.. BuT No ANsweRS... SileNT... LiKE He IS GOne... juST PlAIn SIleNT... DUnnO WheThER He IS evEN lISteNiNG tO Me WhEN i PRay... I CanNot FEel HiM... UnAnSweRed PrAYeRS NOT EV3n 1... HoW LoNg CAn I StAND thIS...? Is He StilL ThERE..?*SIgh* VerY HARd To SaY LoR

2004-08-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

Yoz... ToDaY SuX MAn... BaD mOOd whOlE DAY... SuPEr ANgry... Wat RiGhT doEs ShE Have LoR... TO AnYHow SaY BAD ThINgs ABoUt ME... FAlSelY AcCusInG mE Of WaT I DIdn'T Do... WaH... ShE CaN COreGrAPh( dUNNo HoW To SpELl) DanCe Very BiG Is it..? I ThInK SaM CaN Do a BettEr jOb DE LoR... I KnOw you Dun LikE Me Lor... I HAVE bEEN VEry TOrElEnT Wif HeR Le... UnTil I reallY CaNnOt TAkE It LoR... TODay EXPlOdED Le... YOu HAppy LaH...? HaIZ... It HuRtS ME TO sEE PrEfecTS FiGhtInG LiKe ThiS... But i rEally cannOT AnythINg... LoOk... i knOW ThAt ShE IS GOOd in DanCE AnD STUFF AnD EveRyoNe IS lIKe SuppoRtInG HeR... SO..? (If YOu WaNnA NoE WhO She is YOu GoTta asK ME yOuRseLF) haIz.. If jUSt By CryInG You CAn SolVeD EvERy ThING thEn I AlSo CAn Cry... YOu WanNA BE eArN SuPpoRTeRS By CrYinG....? SuiT yOURselF... Tell YoU LaH... I AlReADy EXpLodED lE... So HiGhLy inFamMable NoW... ARRRg.... OnE pRoBLEM solVe AnOthEr onE ComE... CAn"t We HAvE PeAcE... Can't I HavE PEace... JuSt FoR OnE PAthethiC DaY Of My LifE WiTh NoTHiNg tO WoRRy AboUt..? NothIng To GEt AnGRy AboUt...? ANd Can"t I JuSt SlEEp OnE NiGhT, kNoWiNG No OnE Will TaLk BaD BEhInD My bacK AnD BAckstAb Me..? cAn"t I gO tO oNe NetbaLL TrAininG AD Be ExICtEd AboUT IT...? wHy Can"t I JuST Be WiTh MY BEst Buds AnD NoT Feel LEfT OuT... WHy..?(>.<) CaN't I GO To ScHool AnD ACtUaLLY LoOk FoRWarD To It...? WhY Not...? Can I JuSt HavE OnE DaY WhERe I CaNnOT Be MOOdy AnD Dun sEE ALL ThE PPl I CanNOt StanD AnD HuRt Me BeFoRe... WhY CAn"T I...? WhY..? WhY DO i HAvE TO WORk SO HArd FOr A pAssinG GrAdE WhIlE mY FrIENDs CAn cloSE One EyEs AnD DO ThE PApEr AnD StILl HAVe A1..? WhY.. WHY Am I So DiFfERenT fOr ThEM...? I THoughT I COuLD Get aloNg With PPl With OuT BooTLiCkInG ThEm... I tHoUGhT tHiS PpL WeRe DiffEReNt... WiTh THe WAy ThEy ToK AnD StUFf... But I Am WRonG So WrOnG... I CaN"t sTaND It Le... I WanT peAcE... I WanNA evERYthINg AnD EverYOnE tO ShUT UP... TO ListEn To Me... I ScrEAMiNg ovER HERe But No One ListEn... EvEryoNe JuST caRry On DoIn ThEIr Thing... i FeEL LIkE A ChIld SUDDenLY So SmAll... So InSincifIgAnT... so tInY... So UnhEARd... i HaD A TalK WitH ThE YounGer pRefEcTS ToDay... ThEy hAvE Alot Of inTErEsTIng ViEws... SHOulD FiND A DAY WhEn ThEy Are FreE AnD JuST Sit DoWn aNd ToK To ThEm... HaIZ... It iS HarD.. SO vErY HaRD To GEt PpL To LiStEn EspecIally WhEn thEy Are BuSy LiSTenInG TO somEonE... If LiFE IS LiKE ThaT... ThEn i RathEr juSt be an birD... At LeaSt It NEvER HavE This KiND Of PRoblemS... HaIz...EnOuGh AbOuT tHis...? wELL... ToDaY YonG ZhEnG SpRaIn HiS AnkLE..*LAUgh* My GoAL For ThIS FEw DaYS Is tO geT BAcK AT HiM FoR buLlyinG ME... LolX... HE CanNoT ChAsE Me..LoLx... ReVenGe Is SweEt... LoLX... WHO knOWs... MUa Ha Ha hA... HAiZ... WiSh CoulD HAVe SomE bRain WaSH OR SomeTHinG so THAt I WoUlD FOrgEt EvErytHiNG... HeY If YOu ReaD My pRoFilE... mY DiSlIkE AcTuAlly HAs ThE WoRd HypOCriTeS ThEre.. So wElL I GuesS someonE wiLL Know WHO I rEfErriNG tO... HAhA.. Hey TO AlL Who ReAD thiS pOSt KeeP It A SeCrET If You KnOW HoW I TOkINg AbOuT K...? ThANKS... hMM TO Ben, ABBy, glEnDa, shArOn, LiliAn AnD All WhO COmfORtEd Me WhEn I ExploDeD... ThAnk YOu So MUCh DuNno Wat I wilL do Without You GuyS... LolX..*WInK* hAiz... I ThInK I CaN Be A Good ACtResS SOmeTImeS... I Can CovER UP AlLmy FeElInGs UnTil NO ONe caN SEe... ThAT IS THe wAy i Am i GuEsS... VerY Not Good FoR HealTh I Know.. but PPL Won'T UndeRStAnD ThE wAY I fEEl... tHEY WOn'T, ThEY JuSt WOn"T... I havE To fEnD FoR MYSelF... PicK MyselF Up EvERytiME I fall... hAIZ... GuESS ThAt IS aLl i GoIn TO Say...

2004-08-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

tOday... AunTY Mi lAn GOt CrEmATEd At MAnDaI... SO SAd... My MOM ToLd ME ThEy CaN"t HelP But cRyiNG, She WAs SuCH A NiCe PerSon... i dID PrETTY BaDlY For My CoMmoN TesT...*SiGH*... THis JuSt INCrEAsED In My StrEss leVel Lolx... Why>>>? Why..? I CaNNOt TAkE It anyMoRE... ToDAY I CoMpLEtEly SuX AT NEtBall... LolX... Sigh*... AnOthEr StreSS level... We Got ScoldIng frOm CoAcH And ShE PuniSH Us Run 1km... StiLl Can remEmBeR HoW ShE KeEp ScOldInG Me... "lYdia ToDAy YOuR PASses WeRe HorriBlE" haha...lolX.... haiz...so sian... Now goT SiNgaPorE IDoL... haha..NICE ShOw.... I GueSS lOLx... it RocKS... BuT ThE JudgES ARe So WannabEs... AND TheY CAll The contesTEaNs WanNABes...? HmMm mY StUdies Really Suck NoW.... I DuN eVen KnOw WhetHer i CaN Go In To ThE tRiPlE ScI ClaSS... ThIs SuX... I meaN ReAlly... I DunNo Wat IS GoIn on In ScHooL NowAdAyS... EverYOnE Is So MoOdY... SO IRRITatable.. Hello? Do THeY EvEN SpAre A ThOUgHT For mE... I Am moODy ToO.. BUt I HAvE To COvER It Up So I CaN coNsOlE ThEm... LikE SoMe kInD Of clOWN... IT SuCks BiG Time... Wait... Am i BEinG sELfIsh..? WhY Only Me me ME...? HmMm... Ok nOW TO AbBY... hEy nOt suRe WhethEr I Can be tHaT PeRSoN..? BuT I wilL sUrELY lISten to You... k>>>? Ok>..? Haiz.. SO SiAn TomORRoW Goin Sjc... luckY Got SuYiN to Help me... LoLX.... I LovE my anGEl... LoLX... Hmmm... To EveRyoNe.. aLthOugh I Moody But i WilL STiLl Help You De... Dun woRry... COs I LoVE You ppL So mUch... I CaNnOT bEar TO PuT You aSiDE BecoS Of my Mood... haHa.. SeRIoUs i reALly Love you Ppl... AlL MY FriEnDs... BUt ThiS Is OnLt A SmAlL FrAcTioN Of HoW MucH GoD LoVE yOu...LoLx... He Can GIve mUCh mOrE ThAN I CAn GiVE... I Am oNlY HumAn... He is GoD...

2004-08-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

Yoz... SiAN... TomORRoW GOTta NeTbALL AnD Geo TeSt Lolx...*Sigh*... I ReALly DuNNO WaT To STuDY For gEo... i juSt StuDy ThE UnIt NOtEs... NEvEr sTuDy ThE CaSe STuDy... SIAnz... I VeRy ScArED NeTball, i noT GoOD At It... i suX LAh... iT Is So hARD Lor... HmM... LikE VErY sTressEd... LoLx... NOW My moM At AuNTy Mi Lan FunerAl... I CanNoT Go, cOs g0tta TEsT... SiAN... VeRy HOT Lor The WEathER... HmM...*SnifF* SNiFf* i StIll VeRy Sad Lor... tHiS F3W dAy5 won'T Be iN GOod MoOd De... evERy liTtlE ThInG Will MaKe Mi anGRy DE LoR.. SO I Am KEepInG mY DiStanCe FrOm eVeRyOnE ... CoS I JuSt N33D AnotHer BLOw To maKe Me BrakE DoWn And CRy... My LimIt iS AlREady At 90% le... HaIz... So Sad... LikE Wanna cRy CannOt CRy... FEEl Like A CloWn SoMEtimes... FoR TrYinG So HArd To HiDe EvERyTHinG Up UnDEr a Smile... So DuN YOu GuyS EvEr LoOk IntO My EYEs K...? Hmm... tOdAy pRefeCt's Deco... SiAnZ... ThE ChaiR PErsOn LiKE So stResS LiKE THAt... mAKe me also DuNNO WaT To Do... HaIz... ChIlL MAn... haiZ... At TimEs lIke ThIs A FeEl VErY UnImPoRtanT... Very SmAll And noN-exIstance lOR... GuEsS my goAl FoR ThIs wEek Is JuUSt To ShUt Up and LikE BlEnd InTo ThE bACkgrouNd... i Dun wAnna tAlK Le... If I RudE To You Guys I Am sorRy, Not In Good MOod lOR... IF I StaRe At You MeAns "bAcK -oFF" k..? SorRy, But rEaLLy CAnnOt CoNTrOl... So FoRgIvE M3... i JuSt LeArnT thaT It Is Easy to ForgIvE SoMeoNE BUt so HaRd To ForGEt... w3 neEd To do BotH... SuPEr haRd... *WiNk* ... WaT Is my PuRpOsE In LiFe..? i GuESs notHing At ThE MoMEnt... COS I Am LiKE GOOd At NoThIng.. SiAnz... i WiSh EvERythInG Will JuSt sLow DoWn whIlE I TaKe a BrEaTHe AnD Let Me catch Up... i Dun EvEn KnOW WhErE I AM, whErE i aM Heading To..? WhErE i Am SupposEd to Go N STufF... NOThInG iS Rite... i Mean NoThInG... i WiSh StoP Will ReAllY meAn StoP... haIz...*sigH*.... DOeS AnYoNe KNOW HoW i fEEl HErE? I Hope i AM nOt Th3 OnLY One... cOs Th4t Will Be SaD... Am I fiGhtiNg This WaR AL()ne..? i HopE NOT... God is with me I guESS... No.. He is..... mE Me me, That Wat HumAn ALWayS thINk... WaT ABouT Him, ThEy, ThEM, She AnD StUFf..? WHErE DoES ThAt ComE In?

2004-08-24T05:23:00.000-07:00

HarLoWz.. tOdAy QuITe fUn Lah... GoT eXCo meetInG( pREfEct's MEetIng)... SeTTlE Le... No More gRudgeS NO MoRe... A FReSh NeW st4rT FOr Us... I LOVe ThE pRefecTs.. To Eileen... I WIlL NevEr lEt YoU QuIT De.. NO MAtteR WaT... I Won't ...ThE EnD... To 4lAn... CongRAtS foR You napfa TeST..LolX... HoPe You WIll Do BetteR NeXt year... JuSt rEmEMBer NoT To PuSh YOuRseLf to Hard... LoLx... To My FrIenDs... L6... You GuyZ RoCk k..? haHa ThiS souNDs like soMe KiNd Of dEDlicatiOn... OH Well....*WinK*...WeLl, reaD toDay PUrPosE dRIvEN LIfe, I Was NoT HErE BY ACciDeNt... *sMIlEz*.... DaMn, HeARd ThE NEws Le... WaN To CRy Le....... aunty Mi Lan has gone to meet GoD Le... JuSt today... WhY..? GoD, She Was so GoOd Why DiD ShE HavE to Go So FAsT...? AfTeR All ThE PRAYerS And sTUfF... StUpid CANcer...*Sob* Sob* GOD, ThiS Is mY LasT PrAyER For HeR: LoRd MaY sHe Be foRevEr Happy ThErE LorD... AND HELp HeR Family UnDErstAnD ThAt She is In A mUCH BettEr PlAce Up ThER3... Tell HeR I LoVE hEr Lord... I KnoW You, LoRD, LoVE HeR LoTS tOo... I GuEsS ThiS wAs ThE BEsT WAy!... Hmmm... i DunNO WaT To do NOW.... I KinDa ShOCKEd.... She WaS SUCh a GoOD pErSOn... I ExpEctEd HeR To Be curEd... i thOugHt....*sOb* LiFe iS So ToUGh... LIFe is sO FrAgilE... Just TOdaY... MY mom Just ToLd ME... i GuEsS I will JuSt LikE breAk Down AnD Cry... I REalLy DuNNo... mi HeArT FeelS veRy HeAvy... veRy LoSt... SuDdENlY All ThE Fun ThiNgs i HaD JuST blEw AWay... TO AUnTy Mi lan... DuNNO WHeThEr You cAn Hear mE But I WilL JuSt SaY It... i WiLL Be HaApy For You Cos... YOu ARe iN ParAdISe NoW... BlisSFuLly JoyFull... BEst Of AlL God Is wIth You... WE WiLL MiSS YoU down hErE.. buT SomEDaY... We WilL meeT AgAiN... SomEdaY... SoMedAy... We WiLl MeeT AgaiN...

2004-08-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

Yoz... YeaH My CoMMON TeST FiNALlY OvER... LaLa LaZ... So HaPpY... ToDAY'S PapER Not thAT DiFFiCUlt LolX... hahA.. tHAnK You God...*SmIlEz*... tO 4lAn... Dun SaD Le... IT Is nOt YOuR FauLt yOU NoT iN ThE teaM... You Are A GrEaT plaYer..ya... No SwEaT... besIdes yOU WeRe SicK ThAt Day WaT....*wink*...Dun sad Le.... To 4bby... DuN ThInK I FoRgET WaT yoU Are SuPPoSe 2 Do Hor... I WiLL MaKe SuRe You do It The nExT TiMe...*Grin* HmM...You NoT BRoKeN LAh Abby... I DunNO WhY YoU PuT ThAt NICk Lah But i Hope You ChAnGe iT SoON... HMm... To AlL ThE Ppl OuT ThErE whO are HAVIng A TouGh Time... I UndERsTanD HOw yOU FeEl COs i HaVe BeEn DoWn ThAT DreAdEd RoaD LOtS of TiME... BUt God iS WiTh YOu... I KnoW THAt... HE LOvEs AlL Of uS So muCh... SO MUCh... So mUcH... THere iS A SonG ThAt goEs EvEN ThE ScroLlL thAt sTretcHs From SkY To Sky wIll not Be EnoUgh... See HOW MuCh He lOvEs YoU...? HahA.. LOTs... SoMetHiNg Very hArd To feEl it...lIkE tImeS WheRe yOu JUsT CaN'T EvEn FiNd yOURS3lf... bUT he Is lIkE The StARs... he iS AlwAyS ThErE... But You jusT CannOt SeE HIm aT tiMeS.... BUt He Is ThERe... yupzz..* wink*... Haha.. TomORRoW HaViNg prActicAl homE Econ TeSt..SIAnZ... I Will MOSt lIkEly BUrN ThE KitchEn DoWn... lAh.. SiAn... pRay For mE...LIkE SupEr NerVouS nOw.... CHoSE ThE WronG Dish To Cook mAn... HaIz... SaVe Me... Haha.. ThINk That Is all Ba

2004-08-21T10:10:00.000-07:00

Yoz... Sian NOw JuSt caMe HomE FroM ChuRch... SiAn... SO FuLL... ThiS MoRnIng WenT To sChoOl lOlx... HAiz i reAlLY GiVe uP thoSe twO pPl... I kNoW I aM nOt SuPpOSe To Discriminate ThEm but I JuST Can"t HeLp It... I dun wANna HuRT ThEM But I AlMoSt CanNOt TaK3 It Le... SiAnz... GUesS To AvoId thEm I havE to stAY As fAr As PosSIblE From Th3 prefecT'S RooM Sian... Haiz.. If thEy WaNna Do AnYtHing LeT Them do LoR... CaN'T Be BothEred Le... HmM.. ToDaY PaUlInE L3nd me A Bo0k C4ll3d ThE purpo5e Driv3n LiF3... Good BoOk... I hoPe it CaN HElp me WitH My ConFusion... oF WaT I Am...? Wh3r3 I am GoiN aNd Stuff... tHInkInG A LoT ThiS feW DaYs... i gUesS ThiS WEek WAs One Of ThoSe "i-hate-life" week... haiz... I ReallY WaNna JuSt ShOUt AnD Scream... WiSh AlL This THINGS ArOuNd In mY hEaD WilL JUSt Go AWay... *shoo*... Lolx... But i GuEss It is paRt Of lIfE... h4iz... But i KNow God Is With ME i JuS Know IT... Cos wH3never I Am alOne... I KNoW He tELlInG me ThAt He LovEs Me So MuCh... i GuEsS It IS trU3... wEll It HaS To B3... JuS wAnNa EnCOur4gE Ppl Who Are FE3lInG ThE s4me Way I am.. Dun WoRry CoS GOd LoVeS You SO MUCh.. He iS AlWayS ThEre FoR YoU... WaItiNg silenTly BesIde You.. JuS In CaSe You cANnOt T4kE It AnYMoRe And YOu BReaK DoWn... H3 wIill Be ThErE TO HOlD YOu UP... To SuPpoRT You... SO dUn Fr3t...*smileZ*... Cos God LovEs yOu For WhO YoU r... noT WhO You WaNna Be...not Who You pretend to B3.. He Doesn't discriminate... He sincerely, truefully, lovingly, wants to b3 with you... dUn ForgeT he CreAtEd You...*Wink*

2004-08-19T04:40:00.000-07:00

LalaLaz... happi mood now... ok not all happy... a little bit angry and disappointed... i am really confused... dun even know whether i am like needed in the netball team or the prefects... dunno which one to commit more... i really wish this feeling could stop but.. i just doesn't... i passed my math exam but very poorly... haiz... i know there is something wrong with me but dunno wat... everything in school seems to be so distant.. i dunno... something like that i guess... haiz..
i think i know who my angel is le.... someone lor so stupid go tell mi... so angry....*argh*... now not fun le..haiz.... today's QT is about starting out each day with a song to praise God... i tried doin that..it is hard especially when all this Why-am-i-on-earth feeling is with me...i wonder sometimes, wat i am good at??? actually practically nothing... wat is really my purpose in life? well i know everyone around me is kinda talented in different ways... but me..? i have yet to find out... yup... *sigh*... haiz...studies..? dun ask.. i am doin very badly... i need to focus.. i tried but cannot lehz... i really need to do well... i guess so... hmmm..yup.. signing off le *nitez*

2004-08-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yoz TheRE...HI Ya... mUshi MuShI ( is it like this spell?) hmm anyway, someone complain that i shouldn't write big small big small so i listen to him just this time... now everyone very stressed i guess with the choices and stuff... so everyone moody and starts to be a little stone... haha.. never mind... i try to "ren" only awhile rite...? haiz... school is getting tougher each day..
just the thought of tomorrow's netball give me the shivers... haiz... sometimes i wonder why i train so hard when i know i cannot make it de...? Lame... haha... Prefects..? still the same lor... got the same feeling ( read the previous blog if you wanna know).... i guess it is my fault i am feeling this way... i mean chose to feel this way... haiz... dunno why i feel very stressed that i am not studying hard enough but my body just doesn't do anything... i feel well like a clown sometimes (you go guess the meaning lah)... i need to get good grades in year... i need to go in triple science... i guess lah... la la ... signing off

2004-08-17T03:59:00.000-07:00

Haiz... BloGGInG AgAin... I mAde Up My MiNd le.. I gOin to TaKe elEct Geo, A mAth, tripl3 Sc1 And The MaiN Subs LOR... AnY WaY ToDAy Amah say ReciEvE a CaLl FrOm ThE NKF dE.. Dunno 4bout SUmThInG HeLP Or SomeThInG... So CoOl.. HaIz.. In SKoOl... DuNnO WHY.. I jUS Feel vERy left Out iN sChool Lor..lIkE No OnE SeEmEd To Cared whetHer i ExIsT A nOt.. QuitE ScArY... I GuEsS tHIs f33LiNg Will go aWAy dE... At LeAsT I HopE So...*SOB*... HaIz n nEtBAll Is gETtiNg FoR TouGheR EveRy TrAininG.. MaYbE CoAcH StreSs Ba Cos tHe CompeTition Is In SeptEmbEr... Now sHe Very sTriCt.. But AlSo GooD loR in A senSe... EvErY WroNg MiStAkE We make MUsT CaRRy dumbellS AnD RuN 2 Km Or RuN To The FOurTh FlOor... HaiZ..gives Mi the ShIvEr$ Lor... wE HaVe sO ManY PlaYeRS FightinG FOR 7 PlAcEs... I ConFrim CanNOt GeT In De... In pRefECTS... I DuNNo WAt To Do..? i kNOw I mUsT Be A gOOd exAmPlE ANd sTuFF... But I dUn ThInK I HaVe BeEn DoiN a VErY GOod JoB... I dun ThINk I GoOd EnouGh As A PrefEct Lor... LikE EvERyone ArounD Me in pRefeCtS SeemS So Good.. But me..? i Am PlAyful thAt Is whY likE I fEEl So SepErateD... EvErY ThIng and Every Plan The PrEFecTs Plan likE i AlSo dunno... same ThiNg lAh... LIkE I nOt one Of Them... JUsT FEEl VeRY Far AwAy fRom eveRyonE... WhErE Is GoD iN alL ThIs..? I DuNNo BuT I Know At Least I kNow ThAt If I Do JuSt BreAkDoWn or I jUSt CaNnOt tAkE iT AnyMoRE, I HaVe God To Count On... YUpZ...*smilez*... DunNo... Can HOld UnTiL hOw long mORE... IF I GotTa MoOd SWinG CaNNOT BlAmE Mi... *wink*...SmIleZ.. I Think ThAt SHOuLd Be AlL bA

2004-08-16T05:25:00.000-07:00

Haiz... TodaY CoMmOn tEsT CoN FIRM FAil DE LoR.... SO SIaN.. HAiZ I Really CaNnOt AFforD to Fail dE.. Die Le lAH... HaiZ thEn Now We Are JUsT GuvEn ThE OpTIon FoRm To TAkE WaT CouRse... DuNnO WaT To T4ke... So ConFUSed... I KnoW HOw BiG An ImPaCt IT Is goIn To HaVe 0N mE FutUrE... SiAn waT To Do..? I ScAreD IWiLl MAkE ThE wrOnG choiCes... ThERe Is No TuRNinG baCk De... I TriEd AsKinG God But He HaSn't GaVe mE A RePly... HopE H3 DoeS $00n.. HAIz... i Tried AsKinG But Th3 hOw mUch C4n th3y heLp Mi... ThEy c4n Only gIve mi AdvIcE... HaiZ..Dun ThiNk I can Go anywhErE wIth mY reSults... la Laz la

2004-08-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

Yoz...
h4rlow..now in IT leSSon... So SiaN, JUsT MakE My bLoG.. MuSt LInK me K..? SiaN Now ThE TeAcHeR ScReAmInG LoLX.. NO ONE SeEms to cArE... JUsT HOpE CAn fAsTeR PaSS??